The ring
Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis after his mistress found the ring in his trousers pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep. I don't know what's worse:
1) Having your mistress find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3) Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

Only A Jamaican, Barbadian and a Trinidadian
There were three men from the Caribbean living together in London: a Trinidadian, a Barbadian and a Jamaican who were all hungry because they didn't have money to buy food. However, upon coming close to a posh restaurant they came up with a plan. The Jamaican went in first. After being seated he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque. "But I paid you!" the Jamaican shouted. The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the Jamaican leave. Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food. "But I paid you!" The Barbadian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the Bajan, and as he did not want anything to upset the other customers he let the Bajan go. Ten minutes later the Trinidadian walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Carib beers. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal. Before asking for it, the waiter said, "Sir... I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them, so... Before he could finish, the Trinidadian chimed in loudly "Hear meh nah boss, dat is your problem...jus give meh change."

YUH KNOW YUH IS A TRINI IF.....
Yuh refer to all salt crackers as "Crix".
Yuh know the meaning of the word "obzokie".
Yuh own a cutlass.
Yuh know how to "scootch" somebody.
Yuh can name 3 types of mangoes.
Yuh call everybody "dread"
Yuh know what a "grip" is and struggle to keep it under 70 lbs. when yuh goin` back home.
Yuh know dat to "cuff" and "box" are fightin adjectives.
Yuh call every bee, wasp, or hornet a "jaxspaniard".
Yuh pronounce San Juan: "Sah-Wah"
Yuh tired of hearin "Who let da dogs out?" cause yuh know de original by Anslem is de REAL thing.
Old dub like "Ram-Ram" brings back some special memories.
When yuh leave yuh does "ride out" and yuh coming back "in a timing."
When yuh crossing de road, and cars speeding toward yuh, yuh does say "Well bounce meh nah!"
Yuh don't look at traffic lights when crossing de road.
Yuh does say, "Ah tell yuh!", even when someone else is telling you the story.
Yuh put salt on every citrus fruit yuh eat to make it sweeter.
Yuh can avoid potholes with true skills.
Yuh grow up on Klim, Milo, Horlicks or Ovaltine.
Speaking of that, yuh remember eating Ovaltinees, Smarties, Catch bars and Cheers candy?
Every carbonated beverage is called a "sweet drink"
A good lime is not edible.
"A beer is a....." (fill in the rest)
"Donkey's years" means a very long time.
Yuh clap with everybody else when de BWEE plane finally land in Port of Spain.
Yuh know what coki-eye is.
Yuh call it a car park instead of parking lot.
Yuh call chewing gum "tring gum"
Yuh always seem to meet someone yuh knew in secondary school or dey cousin went to school with you.
De bone taste jus as good as de meat.
"Haul yuh tail!" have nothing to with a moving truck....ENT??
Yuh give directions with your hands... even if it's in another state (yuh jus go up de road and when yuh see...)
Yuh go to parties for the food... and the word free never quite had the same meaning.
Yuh nod your head upwards to greet someone... and sideways when the joke stale.
Your recipe for making orange juice is plenty water, plenty sugar, plenty ice and only 2 orange... and "ah pak ah red kool-aid tuh stretch it..."
Yuh say "boy" at the beginning of a sentence and "man" at the end of it... and the words "yes we" doesn't refer to any people...
Yuh hate to wait in long lines, a habit you adopted from the days of pushing to get into "pit" to see a movie.
'Priority' doesn't have anything to do with what you have to do right away.
Yuh always turn around when someone says "Psssssssst"... except for when you make out the person first and you're duckin' them.
Yuh say "Soooo looooong" instead of "Yes, I'm done" when somebody asked you if you finished the job already.
Yuh have "knick knacks" all over your home... and a glass cabinet or a space saver to put them in.
Yuh put ketchup and peppersauce on your pizza. Anchovies? Yuh lossin it or what?
Yuh make a drink and ice cream with peanut butter but you never put it on bread with jelly... but you might put it on your dixie biscuits.
Your cupboards are full of canned corned beef, pepper sauce and red beans and baked beans ...and a dry coconut for the pelau.
Yuh think steak is a waste of good meat. Yuh rather cut it up and stew it with some potatoes instead ... or curry it and make roti.
"What goin on these days?" and "I jus dey" mean "Hello, how are you?" and I'm fine" respectively.
Yuh think your rum and Carib beer are the best in the world and you hate it when nobody heard of them.
Yuh put ice in your beer ...and you chew the ice when you're finished with the beer.
Yuh say "Old Years' night"
"Dis August holidays" actually start in July.
Yuh show disappointment / disgust by sucking on your teeth (steupsing)
Yuh still call a soda a "sweet drink" and an avocado, a "zaboca"
Yuh go to the shoprite clerk and ask them "whe allyuh have de breez?" meaning "where is the laundry detergent?".
Yuh say "whappenin" even at a funeral.
Yuh tell the host "Good Night" when you arrive at someone's home in the evening.
Yuh wash the "wares" after having dinner.
When someone sympathises with you, you comment "Yuh think it easy?"
Yuh refer to all sweet coloured juice as "Kool-Aid"
Yuh call a quarter a "schilling" when this really means 24 cents.
Yuh know that using "blue" makes white clothes whiter.
Just because something is called a "bake" you don't assume that it indicates the way it was cooked.
Yuh have at least one relative living in either England, Canada, or the US.
Yuh know that a washy-kong bears no relationship to King Kong.
Yuh have cancelled plans because of rain even when you're going to be indoors ...Rain is also a legitimate reason to be late for a rendez-vous... or to miss work.
Yuh know someone with a gold tooth.
Yuh know someone with their name either on their belt buckle or their chain.
All vaccinations are called injections.
Yuh are able to recite at least one (or several) line(s) from Sesame Street.
Yuh have been to at least one party where you have seen the sun rise.
Yuh know the meanings of: "washing wares"; "straightening a room"; "bodice"; "sucking yuh teeth"; "cut-eye"; "hot foot"; "bouff".
All dish washing detergents are called "Squeezy".
Yuh still give people (youself included) "meggies".
A rubber is an eraser.
Yuh know of at least one person who wakes up at 4am to LISTEN to cricket from Australia / New Zealand on the RADIO.
Yuh can feel cold when it's 25°C.
No matter how old you are, you still call your parents Mummy and Daddy.
Yuh still eat fries with ketchup AND MUSTARD.
Yuh call fries "chips".
Yuh pronounce words in plural, even though it's meant to be singular, eg."gimme ah COKES" or "ah GRAPES".
Yuh say "FLIM" (film), "AXE" (ask) or "PITIAH"(picture), "STATELLITE" (satellite), "CUTLASH" (cutlass). .
Yuh know what "Wukking a 10-days" is, and know darn well it's going to take much longer than 10 days.
Yuh know that a lime is not necessarily a fruit.
Yuh call little kids "po po" or "betah" and your girl/boyfriends "daahlin" or "punkin".
Yuh call any 'older' woman "Tantie" and any 'older' man "Uncle", regardless of whether or not they are related to you or even know you.
Yuh could sing an entire Parang song in Spanish word for word, but don't speak or understand a word of Spanish.
Yuh know who "Anansi" and "Papa Bois" are.
Yuh love Soca and know the meanings of RAMAJAY and DINGOLAY.
When in doubt of how to prepare something to eat ... CURRY is the always the solution.
Yuh know Trinis will curry any and everything (not just meat) even mango, fish, conch, chataigne, etc...
Yuh can take anything and make "chow" with it.
Yuh know what "chow" is.
Yuh can call your fellow "countryman" by an ethnic name and it would be ok, eg. chinee-man, creole, doegs, or pyol.
When you ask for PEPPER you don't mean ground black pepper.
Yuh get "licks" already with a guava whip :(

Drink my Poison
here's this guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying." "No, it's not that. This is the worst day of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there but the cab had already driven away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I'm thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison . . ."